Earlier this year, I was formally diagnosed with combined-type Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). And, so much about my life, the way I’ve experienced and shown up in the world, started to make sense.

In some ways, it has felt a lot like grief. I’ve found myself wishing that younger me had received the diagnosis sooner. That I had understood why certain things felt harder for me and had been given the tools to navigate them earlier in life.

Instead, I’m learning those things now. I’m relearning how I work, how I communicate, how I manage my energy, and how I want to show up in the world without constantly feeling like I have to fight against barriers.

Because I was always struggling.

In social settings. At school. With connecting with peers. In my day-to-day life. Sitting at a restaurant and realizing I was struggling to focus on the conversation. Forgetting someone’s name almost immediately after meeting them. Not remembering what I did the week before. Finding it easier to text than call because I can physically see the conversation. Feeling completely exhausted at the end of the day from masking and trying so hard to be present.

For a long time, I thought these were just little things that a lot of people also struggled with.

I’ve since learned that late ADHD diagnosis is common, particularly among women of color and people who appear to be high-performing and able to keep up. ADHD can also look very different from person to person, which is one reason awareness and understanding matter so much.

Getting diagnosed didn’t suddenly explain everything or make everything easier for me, but it gave context to things I had struggled to understand about myself for years.

I’m learning to embrace my neurodivergence while shedding some of the shame I’ve carried around it. I’m learning to extend the same understanding and grace to myself that I would give to someone else as I navigate life with a different understanding of how my brain works.

And maybe that’s one of the biggest things I’ve taken away from this diagnosis: sometimes, understanding yourself changes the way you understand your past and grow for the future.

This is only the beginning of learning what ADHD means for me, and learning how to show up as myself, rather than constantly trying to compensate for who I am.